I hear this phrase used a lot and it really bothers me.This is why, and why it got me thinking about how I talk to my own children. Joe and I are not perfect parents by any means, but we do not take talking to our children in any old fashion lightly. We as parents are responsible for the up bringing of our children so they can reach their potential for God one day. If you do not prepare your child in the way he ought to be prepared, then when he has become of age to do things on his own,,he or she will not do it because they will be so used to you telling them what or what not to do. You will have made them to become insecure and indecisive irresponsible adults. Let me explain.Parenting is like a carpenter. If the carpenter does not have the right tools to do the job he won’t be able to do his job correctly. It doesn’t matter how much he went to school for training, but if he does not have the right tools then he won’t be able to perform what he has been taught. Joe and I not only need to train our children to do right, but we as parents must provide them withe the right tools. What are the right tools you ask? Well the tools are the experiences your child goes through and how you as a parent handle them. When your child ask a question just don’t cop out and say, “No, or I said so, or Because I’m the parent.” But rather, let them ask questions about the situation, let them think things through, let them come to the conclusion why or why not they did or didn’t do what they were suppose to do. My children are always asking why. They are not disrespectful when they ask it either. If they are genuinely wanting to know something, then Joe and I have done or set, I will either ask them questions to let them come to the conclusion of what they have asked, or we will explain it to them as best as we know how if it is above their understanding. We as adults have to answer questions for ourselves every day. but it all starts when we are children. If as children we are used to just hearing the words, No, Because I said so, or go away, you’re bothering me, then a child will become deaf to parental knowledge and the ability to make their own decisions when they are in a situation where they must make their own decision. You are not doing your child justice by always pushing them away and acting like they are annoying. The one who is truly being annoyed, is YOU. Yes being a mom and dad is time consuming, and even inconvenient, but when we decided to have children we knew it was going to be a huge investment with our time and life. So instead of just telling our children WHAT to do, let them figure it out and let them be thinkers. Yes, set the boundaries, make the rules, but when they are broken don’t just yell or say ,”You’re in trouble, or You’re getting a spanking.”, but rather, sit down with them and talk it out and if you have to go over the rules that you have set for then, then take the time and do it. You must start this when your child is very young, lets say as soon as they show they have independence. yes, that means when they begin to crawl. You say, they don’t understand, but they do. We baby our babies too much that when the time comes to get serious they have already chosen to cross the line because they know they can because we allowed them to. Don’t let your child cross the line, let him know where it is and clearly let him know if he crosses it there will be consequences to follow. This is why Joe and I never used the counting system, or give our children a choice when it comes to rules. Rules are to be made and kept, not negotiated or reasoned with. If they have a sincere question about the rule, then by all means we explain it to them in such a way they can understand, but they do not get the authority to set the standards. When you go work for a company or business you don’t set the rules or policies, but rather you do your job to the best ability as you can. If you have a wise employer and you have questions, then they will work with you and try their best to explain things that may not be understood to you, but you as an employee do not get to make the rules . Like parenting, you get the privileged of setting rules and bounders, but you must also take the responsibility and invest in the time it takes to keep those rules and bounders. Don’t just set them and expect your child to keep them. You must enforce them and be consistent. If that means taking time away from the tv, computer, or whatever else you are doing, then do it, but do it right and don’t yell, or treat them harshly. Like the Bible says, Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Training doesn’t mean just teaching, but it also means to instruct, to live, and to be the example you would want your child to grow up to be. It means to listen, to watch, to demonstrate, and to answer questions. After training is done, a child will have to face the situation of obeying or disobeying. If you have taught him properly, yes he will disobey still, but when faced with the consequences he will know what to expect. If he obeys he will not only feel good about making the right decision but he will know WHY he made the right decision and when temptation comes along again, he will chose right. Some things are taught by teaching,but most is taught by how we as parents react, live, and treat our children. So this is why Joe and I never use the phrase, “I said, so, or NO.”. I leave you with this Bible verse,”The rod and reproof gives wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother shame. Don’t be a parent who just sets all the rules, but rather, take the time to enforce the standards and rules. Don’t be a parent who cops out and just says, “because I said so, or no.” Be a parent who rears their child with love , respect, and kindness to not only others but also to themselves.. I grantee you, you won’t be sorry. I’m not, and I am glad that God has given me great principles I can use to teach not only me how to be a good parent, but my children how to be good citizens and not bring shame on themselves. nor God. I love my children very much, but I know they are not always going to be mine to keep. Joe and I made a promise long before ever having children that when we did we would do our best to rear them for God and for His glory. What my children do with their lives is up to them, but like the carpenter, I want to give my children the right tools to be able to reach their full potential in their lives and for God.
By the way when my children were very young under age 3 we didn’t reason with them we set boundaries, and enforced the rules. We were consistent. We still have rules and such but now that the children are older and have a respect for rules and boundaries, we can talk about them like mature adults. But sadly a lot of adults can’t even have a mature conversation about rules and boundaries, because they were never taught to do so as a child. Doesn’t mean they can’t learn, they just don’t have the right tools to do so at the moment.
Everything Joy 